Friday, July 23, 2010

My Decision to Stay at Home

This year I have decided to stay home from work and stay home with the kids. I'm very lucky that my employer allows me to take a leave for up to 3 years and I'm guaranteed my position back and any salary increases. Great deal, right?

So, why, is the question that I hear all the time! Well, it was a series of things actually. For one, I've always wanted to stay home with the boys or at least only work part time, but I was never able to until this year.

So, really, that wasn't really the reason why. It really started back last year. Without going through everything from March- June, the long and short of it was that Liam was very sick. We had spent lots of time at Children's Hospital seeing various specialists and two weeks before school let out I realized that he couldn't go back to daycare and had to stay home. The summer went by and his health began improving. Then at the end of the school year I was laid off, as usual, however, I was told that I was going to be brought back to a position in my building as a technology and reading coach. I was really excited about this position because I would be able to use and teach others all the interesting things I had learned the previous years about technology and use what I had learned from my master's degree (reading). Well, the day before I went back to work, I was called back to teaching a preschool classroom. I was told though that it was a glitch, report there the first day, and we'll move you back to your own building. Later that day I was moved to a different building, then on my Fri. off before Labor Day weekend I was told I was going to be teaching Kindergarten at a different building. This time they said there was no way they were going to move me back to my old building. Boy, was my principal mad! Anyways, I walked into a completely empty classroom. Literally NO materials. Now, the year before I was sure that I would never teach Kindergarten again because I just didn't have the patience for the little ones while I had my own little ones at home (never say never right?).Well, needless to say I had to make the best of this situation. Thankfully God was looking out for me and I ended up with a parapro, who is beyond awesome and has become a lifelong friend, as well as the other kindergarten teacher in the building. I really thought God's looking out for my best interest. Never question him!
Well, come November, we went back to one of Liam's specialists and found out that his growth was slowing down and diagnosed him with failure to thrive. At this point I was ready to walk out the door and leave my job behind. Instead, I thought rationally and Mark and I, both, applied for an intermittent FML leave. Mark and I worked a part time schedule from Thanksgiving until Christmas break so that we could stay home with Liam and make sure he was getting what he needed.
During this whole mess in December, I found out that cuts were being made throughout the district because the state cut funding and I would be laid off Feb.1, 2010. Well, honestly, with all the problems we were dealing with Liam, I felt like this was blessing!
Jan. 29 was to be my last day with my kindergartners. Sad day, but I was looking forward to staying home. On the evening of Thur. Jan 28 I just happened to check my work email to see that they were calling me back from lay off and placing me back at my old building (where I was supposed to be at the beginning of the school year) to teach kindergarten. Oiy vay! I was not prepared for that.
The next weekend I spent packing up my old kindergarten classroom and moving into a new building and setting up a new kindergarten classroom. Now any teacher knows how difficult and time consuming it is to set up a classroom and this was the second time in less than 6 months for me. Not only that, but I was to be teaching the "at-risk" kindergartners (basically the ones who were identified as the lowest academically). So basically, a BIG challenge.
I faced each change and transition with a positive attitude. I didn't waste time complaining, griping and groaning because I knew I needed to stay positive. And I was. I did the best I could do. Well, working that hard, and stressing about doing well at work and doing what's best at home took a big toll on my body.
See, after I had Julian I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and through the years of taking meds. and doing other holistic treatments, I finally realized that what helps me is to eliminate stress and/or do things that eliminate stress. Well, easier said than done. Towards March I felt weaker, but not bad. After Easter break in April I started feeling much worse. By May, it was a struggle to make it through the day. Although I had been off meds. for more than 2 years at this point I was desperate to do anything to get some relief. I went to a Fibromyalgia specialist, who also diagnosed with me with Chronic Fatigue. Insurance didn't cover her proposed treatment of daily injections, herbal meds., and IV's twice a week. I decided I couldn't put myself through the treatments.
By the end of May I couldn't make it through a full week at work and when I did go to work the afternoons were unbearable. I would come home and immediately crash on the couch and stay there for the rest of the night. I couldn't make dinner, watch my kids play, or even take a walk around the block.
In a way, my job was killing me. I didn't want to be this kind of mother, or teacher. I was doing a disservice to my family and the people I work for. So this was the "last straw" for me. After talking to Mark about it (and thankfully getting his full blessing) I put in for a leave. After finishing the school year, I have felt like a big "bear" got off my back. I don't have to sit around all summer, laid off, waiting to find out 2 days before school starts where and what I'll be teaching. All I have to worry about now are my boys, and really, that's all that matters!

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